Widows and Widowers: Should we just date each other?

"I think I could only date a widower -- only someone who has gone through this could understand," I told a buddy when I thought I might be ready to start dating after losing my beloved Robert.

I put my preference for widowers prominently in my online dating profile. I later changed that, or at least softened it to "bonus points," just because it narrowed the possibilities too much. But it remains my preference. Here's why:

• When they are talking with animation and suddenly sink into silence and sadness, I understand. 
• When they bring up anecdotes about their wives, I get it.
• When they slip into present tense talking about their spouse, then correct themselves, I remember how often I've done that.
• When they talk vulnerably about their grief, I know I can do that, too.
• When they laugh and talk about their future changes they want to make in their lives, I know what it took to get to that point.

How long does it take to be ready to date? I don't know. We're all different. Don't judge us if we think we're ready, then realize we're not. We’re not grieving for a time, then suddenly done with grief — it’s a spiral: we cycle in and out of grief. We can feel that we’re truly ready to date, and then we’re struck down by missing our beloved powerfully.

And if you date a widow or widower, please don't worry that you're in competition with his or her perfect spouse. You're not in competition with our memories. Understand that there will always be that layer of memories and love, and accept that part of us. It shows that we know how to love.

Recently, I've had a couple of dates with two different widowers. I love the conversation, how easily we slip in and out of past and present, how we acknowledge the fear and the reluctance to date again -- and how we realize that our growth depends on learning how to do that.  Maybe we should just date each other. 

What do you think? Your comments are welcome, especially if you are widowed or are dating a widow or widower.


[Thank you, Sienna Jai Fein, for the post "Widower: What If He’s Not Ready To Date?" on Dating Senior Men, which led me to ruminate on this topic.]

American Savage by Dan Savage: book review

Dan Savage is an outspoken, irreverent, gay sex columnist who gives sex advice to all genders and orientations at Savage Love and on his podcast. With his husband Terry*, he started the "It Gets Better" video project, designed to help kids who are bullied realize that it does get better.

Now he is the author of American Savage: Insights, Slights, and Fights on Faith, Sex, Love, and Politics, a book about sex, love, and marriage in our contemporary culture and how politics, religion, and sexuality get mixed together -- and badly mixed up.

I admit it -- I'm a Dan Savage geek. I find his sex advice smart, witty, usually right on the mark. I read his column, I subscribe to the long version of his podcast, I go around quoting him. When Dan had me on his podcast giving senior sex advice, I felt that I had achieved star status.

So I was prepared to like Dan's new book. I had no idea that I would love it, highlight it, bookmark it, rave about it. I had no idea that Dan could write so eloquently, and from the heart. For example:

• "Sex education in America is a lot like a driver's-ed course that covers the internal combustion but not steering or brakes...so long as we skip past pleasure, desire, and negotiating a romantic or sexual relationship ... we aren't really teaching young adults about sex."
• "Fighting your sexuality is like holding your breath: It can be done, yes, but not for long (when it comes to your breath) and not forever (when it comes to your sexuality)."

Politically, Dan is razor-sharp. His one-hour, dinner table debate with Brian Brown, President of the National Organization for Marriage, about gay marriage is worth watching on YouTube -- but what you don't know about what happened before and after the debate is here in American Savage, such as the one question Terry asked after the debate was over:

"Do you think our son should be taken away from us?"

 "You shouldn't ask me a question when you know you won't like the answer," Brown said.

"Get the fuck out of my house," Terry said.

Dan's personal stories are moving, especially when he writes about his mother's death, his husband, or his son. Each time he speaks from his heart with a story from his own life, it is to illustrate or lead us to an important point.

Dan Savage makes you think about things you thought you knew. For example, when is/isn't it okay to cheat?

"We are socially monogamous -- we pair bond; we couple up... but we are not sexually monogamous... The fact that your partner is willing to 'forsake all others' only means something is your partner doesn't, on some level, want to forsake all others. and your partner doesn't."

How can you help laughing when he writes about Rick Santorum ("then the third most powerful person in the United States Senate [who] equated gay people to child rapists and dogfuckers") and Dan's campaign to launch a new meaning for the word "santorum": "the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex" in our culture and in Google searches.

I could go on for another hour, but here's the bottom line: I recommend American Savage to everyone, straight or gay, who cares about how confused our culture is about sexuality and religion and politics. Please read this book and share it with people in your life who agree with you -- and those who don't.

*Okay, since I'm being honest here -- I drool over the photo of Dan's husband Terry posing in underwear, which I'll share here with you, at the risk of undermining the intellectual nature of this book review.

Terry posing in underwear

Invitation: What do you want to see in new book?

Here's an inside look at a writer's brain: Every time I finish writing a book, I shout, "There! I've done it! There's nothing more to say!"

 But there always is more to say, more to think about, more to learn, more to teach.

What questions, concerns, and topics related to sex and aging did I not cover in Naked at Our Age, or cover too briefly? What more would you like to know about aging and sexuality in all its colors?

 Yes, I'm thinking about my next book, and I need your input! Brainstorm with me by posting your suggestions. (Though you're welcome to use a fake name, please tell me your real age.)

5/27/13 update: Here are some ideas that followers of my Naked at Our Age Facebook page posted, to get you started:

• Do you cover Tantra? Or is that too New Age for "our age"?
• I'd like to know what I can do in my 40s to prepare for the longest, healthiest, most enjoyable sex life possible in the decades that follow. 
• I know you covered some of this in Naked at Our Age but more of how to deal with Sexless Marriage would be real good thanks xxx

What else, readers? Don't worry if your idea seems unconventional or offbeat. If you give me an idea I didn't think of myself, that's very helpful. If you repeat an idea I did think of myself, I know to make sure I'm covering it thoroughly. 

If you'd rather email me your ideas privately with more detail, or if you'd like your experiences included in this book, email me here and put as subject header: "Include in new book."  Thank you! 

Age 69+ wanted to discuss sexuality in documentary film

Recently, I had the pleasure of being interviewed by TV documentary film makers Lauren Buongiovanni Hunt, Linda Duvoisin, and their crew about my older-age sexuality views, experiences, and attitudes.

It was a fabulous experience! The film project, titled "69 and Up! Sex and Intimacy in the Golden Years," is intended to reveal the sexual wants and desires of people age 69 and over, presenting us positively and joyfully.

Would you like to be involved? Here is the call for volunteer participants from Lauren, both written and via video, explaining what she and Linda are looking for. Again, the experience was totally positive for me -- respectful, fun, absolutely non-sleazy. I hope you'll want to participate, too.

From Lauren Buongiovanni Hunt:

 I’m making a documentary film that explores sexuality, intimacy and older adulthood. I have a belief that my desires and drive for intimacy and sex will remain present throughout my lifetime While they may change (and/or even grow!), they will remain present and intact as I grow older. It seems to me that as the generation of the ‘sexual revolution’ enters older adulthood our culture needs to undergo an attitudinal revolution about how we view older people and their sexuality. After all, more and more of us will grow to live in older adulthood. Yet, one does not need to look very far to see how our society values youth and eschews the possibilities of the beauty of sensuality in older adults.

 The film, 69 and Up! Sex and Intimacy in the Golden Years, will interview sex experts, doctors, sociological professionals as well as older adults who are beautiful examples of what the possibilities can be. The purpose of the film is to portray that the science and the practice demonstrates that sexuality and intimacy in the latter part of life is alive and well.

 I am seeking volunteers who are willing to share their story – straight, gay, married, dating, widowed, etc. – as long as you are willing to be open for the purpose of sharing your experiences for the purpose of illuminating the challenges, successes and joys of sex and intimacy in older adulthood. I am seeking both men and women.
Email me at Lauren@gingersnappublishing.com for more information and/or questions about volunteering.

How did your mother's teachings about sexuality affect you?

Shirley Kassman and
daughter Joan

Let's do something different here for Mother's Day: Looking back, how did your mother's teachings about sexuality affect how you matured, interacted in relationships, saw yourself as a sexual being, enjoyed your sexuality?

I was born in 1943. When I came of age, my mother taught me nothing about sex other than a little about menstruation. The birds-and-bees talk was left to my obstetrician/ gynecologist father, who gave me a pamphlet about how women got pregnant accompanied by "ask me if you have any questions."

Joan 1961,
senior year high school

Sure, I had questions. No, my parents weren't the ones I asked. Since my father regularly saw girls my age who were "in trouble," as unplanned pregnancy was called at the time, his point of view was decidedly and strictly a "don't do it!" warning.

So when I started having sex at 17 with my high school boyfriend, I knew I would be in big trouble if I got discovered (I did, but that's another story), and I knew nothing about pleasure.

Pleasure -- or why anyone would do these strange things with each other -- was totally omitted from my sex education. That's a weird and dangerous omission! When kissing and "petting" got me aroused, I was surprised and thought something was happening to me that didn't happen to other girls. What to do about that arousal remained a mystery, however.

In those days, no one mentioned the clitoris, not in the laughable "hygiene class" that was supposed to teach sex ed, not in any books I could find, and certainly not in the pamphlet that was supposed to ready me for adult sexuality. I had heard that women could have orgasms (no idea where I learned that), but how to make that happen? I had no idea -- neither did my boyfriend.

I have two chapters in Naked at Our Age called "Unlearning Our Upbringing" -- one with women's stories, one with men's stories. They're poignant, provocative, compelling. At a certain point we either look at our upbringing and realize it doesn't serve us any more, and we change -- or we don't.

I hope you'll add your comments and share your own experience. You don't have to use your real name (choose a first name of your choice instead of "anonymous"), but please tell us your real age so we can see how the era in which we were raised affected what we were taught about sex.

(A much shorter version of this post was published on Mother's Day 2011.)

Best Sex Writing 2013: book review

Every year, I look forward to the new edition of the Best Sex Writing series from Cleis Press. This year's Best Sex Writing 2013: The State of Today's Sexual Culture offers 20 sex-themed, nonfiction essays, previously published in magazines and on websites as diverse as Playboy,  Salon.com, New York magazine, The Atlantic.com, and Church & State Magazine.

Since this blog is for sex-positive people age 50+, I always check out the essays about or by our age group first. These two emerged as my favorites:

• "Ghosts: All My Men Are Dead" by Carol Queen stunned me with its beautiful writing and poignant content. Queen writes from the heart about the men in her life whom she lost to AIDS, interspersed with her own story of her sexual blooming in San Francisco, a self-described "small-town dyke who really wanted to fuck practically every gay man she ever saw." For those of us who lived through the bewildering beginning of AIDS and the ensuing grief, fear, and loss, this essay is particularly moving, though I challenge anyone of any age to read it with dry eyes.

• "Very Legal: Sex and Love in Retirement" by Alex Morris is a fascinating look at the dating lives of residents age 70+ to 90 at Flushing House, an independent living facility in Queens, NY. “There’s a practicality that comes with knowing there are certain undeniable limits to how long a romance can last, or what romance at the age of eighty-five even means," Morris writes. What about sex? Al, age 89, keeps Viagra in a plastic bag in his shirt pocket. “You know, sex isn’t everything, but it has a lot to do with it," he says. "An awful lot to do with it.”

I don't mean to imply that only the essays by writers of our age or addressing issues affecting our demographic will interest you -- not at all! You'll be as absorbed as I was by most of the essays here. Some are political; some are intensely personal. All are well-chosen and well-written. If you're a sex geek, as I am, you'll devour this book.

Cleis's own book description says it well:

The Best Sex Writing series has fundamentally changed the way people think—and what they say—about sexuality. Rachel Kramer Bussel has collected the year’s most challenging, literate and provocative pieces on this endlessly fascinating subject.

This is not an exaggeration. Thank you, editor Rachel Kramer Bussel and guest judge Carol Queen for this superb anthology. And thank you, Cleis Press, for always being a staunch supporter of a sex-positive view of the world.

Best Sex Writing editor Rachel Kramer Bussel is a prolific author, editor and blogger. She has edited over forty books of erotica, and has been published in over one hundred anthologies. She blogs at lustylady.blogspot.com.

Learn more about Best Sex Writing 2013 here.

Safer Sex for Seniors -- again!

Safer Sex for Seniors -- yes, I'm talking about this again.

You know I've been on a soapbox about this for years, telling you the stats about STDs in our age group; encouraging you to use barrier protection if you're not in a committed, exclusive relationship; sharing tips for having the "Condom Conversation" in my books, here on this blog, on Huff/Post50, and wherever I can spread the word; giving out free condoms at my dating workshops.

If you're age 50+, sexually active, and not in a monogamous marriage or a long-term, sexually exclusive relationship, would you answer some or all of these questions for an article I'm writing?

Do you use barrier protection (condoms, dental dams, etc.) with your partner(s)?

• What considerations go into your decision whether or not to use barrier protection? How do you decide?
• Do you sometimes intend to use safer sex, but in the heat of the moment, you don't?
• If you don't use protection, why not? 
• Have you tried the female condom (FC2) for vaginal or anal sex? How did you like it?  
• What facts about STDs in our population would be important for you to know?
• What else would you like to know from our community about our attitudes and behavior as we discuss this topic?

Comment here, or if you want to do it more privately, email me directly, including your age, please. If you comment here, give yourself a first name (it doesn't have to be your own) instead of just calling yourself "anonymous," and please include your age.

I might quote what you tell me in the new article I'm writing, but I won't identify you in any way (unless you want me to).

The conversation is open! Your turn.


What are those things that look like compact cases in the top photo? They're condom cases, the brainchild of Marsha Bartenetti and her daughter Rachael Sudul of Just In Case.

The case looks like a regular compact. Open it, and there's a mirror.
Open the next layer, and there's a space to stash a condom. Discreet, fits in a purse or pocket. 

See the different styles here. Thank you, Just In Case, for sending me these samples.

Joan's Upcoming Events

I'd love to meet you in person! As events are scheduled, I'll post them here.

If you are interested in having me speak at your event or to your organization, please email me. See more information about my aging and sexuality talks here. (I also speak about fitness -- click here.)

Sat, June 8, 2013, 3:30-5:30, "Sex and Aging Out Loud" at the annual conference of American Association of Sexuality Educators Counselors & Therapists (AASECT), Hilton Miami Downtown, Miami, Florida. Presenter: Joan Price, MA. This session focuses on the challenges, delights, and shudders that come with writing and speaking about “senior sex.” Participants will discuss concerns that Boomers, seniors, and elders raise about their changing sexuality: the questions they ask, the challenges they face, and the misconceptions that hamper their sexual enjoyment. Throughout the workshop the presenter will offer tips and strategies for older adults and ways to address this age group about their sexual issues.


Tuesday, June 18, 2013, 11 am - 12:30 pm, Joan Price talks about senior sex to clinicians, Department of Psychiatry Grand Rounds, Kaiser Permanente Santa Rosa. What did her Naked at Our Age  interviewees, age 50-80+, express about their changing sexual needs, problems, and fears? Joan will identify the five major sexual concerns that seniors may be reluctant to share with their medical providers, yet that impact their health and quality of life. We'll formulate practical questions that will elicit essential sexual information, and discuss resources.



Saturday, August 3, 2013, 6:30 - 8:30 pm, Hot August Nights: A Literary Erotic Soiree. Join us for an evening of erotic readings by local authors. Get ready to be teased, titillated and tempted. Tickets are $10 cash only at the door with a chance to win fabulous raffle prizes. This is an 18 and over event. Coffee Catz, 6761 Sebastopol Ave # 300, Sebastopol, California 95404.

Friday, September 27- Sunday, September 29, 2013, “The 5 Biggest Myths about Sex and Aging” at CatalystCon West. Joan Price shatters the myths and shares the most common questions that Boomers, seniors, and elders ask her. Joan shares the concerns that older adults raise about their changing sexuality, the challenges that they face, and the misconceptions that hamper their sexual enjoyment. Throughout the session, you’ll learn tips and strategies for working with older adults and ways to address this age group about their sexual issues.  At the Warner Center Marriott, 21850 Oxnard Street, Woodland Hills, CA 91367.

Invite Joan to speak at your event or venue!

(schedule updated June 12, 2013)

Radio, TV, Internet Radio interviews: Online Now

The Sex and Coffee crew talk with Joan Price about seniors and sex. Hear Joan interviewed by Jennifer Pritchett of Smitten Kitten here.


Have More Sex And Improve Your Sexless Marriage With These Tips from Joan Price via Huffington Post. This was part of a panel discussion that aired live on April 2, 2013.

 
Sex Out Loud with Tristan Taormino, Mar. 1, 2013. Tristen and Joan discuss sex and aging, the challenges of menopause, losing a partner, erotica, and much more. Listen here.

Savage Love podcast with Dan Savage, Feb. 26, 2013. Dan and Joan discuss advice for a woman whose aging and relationship challenges stop her from enjoying sex with her husband. Listen here.

KRON 4 TV's Henry Tenenbaum interviews Joan about how bodies, sex, and libido change, and asks Joan a dating question.

 
Ageless Sexuality. Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross interview Joan Price about how sex changes as you age, what we can look forward to, and making this a time for breaking rules and discovering your own sexual fluidity. Hear the lively and outrageous podcast here. 


After Dark Radio Show with Ande Lyons. Aging doesn’t diminish desire – attitude does! Sensuality Coach Lori Bryant-Woolridge and Ageless Sexuality Advocate Joan Price share how to stay sensually and sexually tuned in and turned on at any age! March 19, 2013. Listen here. (Joan's segment starts 31 minutes in.)


Sex City: The wicked world of sex from award-winning sex journalist Jon Pressick, including interviews with Carol Queen, Joan Price and Hugo Schwyzer, March 20, 2013. Listen here. 

Morning Blend on TODAY'S TMJ4, Milwaukee, October 3, 2011.  View the interview here.

Hot Sox: Sex and Aging. Sex educator Jamye Waxman interviews pro-aging sexpert Joan Price about a myriad of senior sex topics and and, yes, about her personal life -- you'll learn a lot! Read Jamye's summary and get links to the podcast here, or listen directly here.


Joyful, Authentic Living: The Joy of Ageless Sex. San Rafael, CA therapist David Pittle, PhD interviews Joan Price about senior sex stereotypes, educating doctors about senior sexuality, and more. Listen here.


 "Sex After 60" on the Colin McEnroe Show on NPR's WNPR, Connecticut, with guests Joan Price and Dr. Rafael Wurzel. Hear the podcast here.


Playboy Radio's The Tiffany Granath Show (Sirus XM), July 31, 2012, features Joan Price talking about senior sex and answering listener questions.


Love, Lust and Laughter: Therapist Diana Wiley interviews Joan Price frequently on her radio show. On August 1, 2012, they talked about many senior sex topics, from BDSM and the popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey (and the problems with the book) to how silliness can enhance intimacy.

Afentra's Big Fat Morning Buzz: Joan Price has been a frequent guest on on KRBZ's morning drive show in Kansas City, talking about -- what else? -- senior sex.


Love Letters Live: Janet Gallin interviews Joan about her love story with artist Robert Rice: how they met, how Joan pursued Robert, and how they finally fell in love. Love Letters Live promotes the idea of writing love letters (and mailing them!) to support or thank someone, or set things straight. Hear this interview here.

The Lovely Truth About Aging and Sex. Hear Joan interviewed by Wendy Strgar at Care2.com in a candid conversation about how sex lives and intimate relationships can change and heal us over time.

Growing Bolder: It's Not About Age; It's About Attitude. Part of Growing Bolder is being able to talk about anything. Even sex! When Joan Price wrote "Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex," she knew she might get some raised eyebrows. But she's determined to battle against stereotypes that people over 50 are asexual or even uninterested in sexual relationships. Hear Joan's interview here.

Psychotherapist Dr. Diana Wiley interviewed Joan on Love, Lust, and Laughter several times. Hear the first interview here and the second here.


WebTalkRadio: Ageless sexuality advocate Joan Price addresses the challenges of older age sex with Laurie Handlers on Sex and Happiness.  Laurie asks Joan about body image, lubrication, sex toys, grief, and more. Hear this revealing, hour-long interview here.


BlogTalkRadio. Dr. Veronica Anderson hosts "Sex And The Senior Citizen." Baby boomers are not through revolutionizing our society. Now, as they start to become seniors, they are taking along their expectations of an active, fulfilling sex life. Guests include Joan Price, author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty. Listen  here.



Recently completed events:

Thurs., May 30, 2013, Audies Awards Gala, New York City. The Audible.com audiobook edition of Naked at Our Age, read by Suzanne Toren, is a finalist for an Audie (the Oscars of audiobooks) in the Personal Development category!

Sat., May 18, 10 am -12:30 pm, “Ask Me, I'll Tell You: Women and Men Talk Out Loud about Sex and Aging” for couples and singles. At Kama Sutra Closet,  451 E. Main Street, #6, Ventura, CA 93001 . We’re talking about senior sex — the challenges, the pleasures, and all the questions we didn't think we could ask out loud. What arouses us now, when the old ways aren't working like they used to? What do we wish we understood and could communicate better about our changing bodies and responses? How do we spice up our sexual repertoire? What if we don't have a partner? What if we don't feel desire for sex anymore? In this eye opening, interactive, mixed-gender workshop, you’ll get to voice your questions and get answers. For singles and couples, men and women. Joan Price, author of Better Than I Ever Expected, Naked at Our Age and Ageless Erotica, will lead the discussion for 2-1/2 hours including Q and A. $25, tickets.

Sat., May 18, 1-4 pm, “Never Too Late! 5 Best Tips for Dating at Our Age” for singles. At Kama Sutra Closet,  451 E. Main Street, #6, Ventura, CA 93001. Joan Price gives us the new rules of dating at our age and tips for finding that special person. Her upbeat presentation will make you laugh and send you home with new hope -- and a new plan!



Sunday, May 19, 2-4:30 pm : “Sex after 50” at The Pleasure Chest, 7733 Santa Monica Blvd., West Hollywood, CA 90046. Yes, sex after 50 has its challenges, but it can also be hot and joyful. We'll celebrate the joys and tackle the problems of older-age sexuality, sharing experiences and learning from each other in a spirit of candor, acceptance, and plenty of humor. Take home new tools, techniques, and attitudes to help you experience sizzling and satisfying sex --with or without a partner! If you are 50 and above--or you plan to be--here’s everything you wanted to know. (All genders & orientations welcome.) Presented by Joan Price, http://www.joanprice.com/, author of Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex and Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty, and editor of the senior sex anthology, Ageless Erotica.

Monday, May 20, 9-10:30 am: staff training at The Pleasure Chest, 7733 Santa Monica Blvd., West Hollywood, CA 90046.

Monday, May 20, 6-8 pm: Book Release Party: “3 Senior Sex Books that will change your life!” PLUS “The Five Biggest Myths about Sex and Aging” at The Pleasure Chest, 7733 Santa Monica Blvd., West Hollywood, CA 90046. : Joan Price shatters the myths and shares the most common questions that Boomers, seniors, and elders ask her. You’ll be surprised! Yes, she’ll answer those questions, too -- in the candid, upbeat manner that led the media to dub her “senior sexpert.” Presented by Joan Price, http://www.joanprice.com/, author of Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex and Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty, and editor of the senior sex anthology, Ageless Erotica.

Sun, May 5, 2013, 4 pm,  Center for Sex and Culture, 1349 Mission St., San Francisco CA (between 9^th and 10^th ). What would it look like if talented writers over age 50 wrote erotica featuring steamy, sexy characters who were also over 50? Ageless Erotica is a ground-breaking anthology of erotic short stories and memoir essays presenting women and men, couples and singles, straight and gay, who are over 50, 60, 70, and beyond – all enjoying and sharing their erotic moments. Contributors Dale Chase, Linda Poelzl, Dorothy Freed, Donna George Storey, and Susan St. Aubin join Joan Price, Ageless Erotica editor, reading excerpts and discussing the idea of "senior erotica."

Tues, Apr. 23, 2013, 6-8 pm: Sex after 50. Workshop with Joan Price at The Pleasure Chest, 156 Seventh Avenue South, New York, NY 10014.Yes, sex after 50 has its challenges, but it can also be hot and joyful. We'll celebrate the joys and tackle the problems of older-age sexuality, sharing experiences and learning from each other in a spirit of candor, acceptance, and plenty of humor. Take home new tools, techniques, and attitudes to help you experience sizzling and satisfying sex --with or without a partner! If you are 50 and above--or you plan to be--here’s everything you wanted to know. (All genders and orientations welcome.) Taught by Joan Price, author of Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex and Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty, and editor of the senior sex anthology: Ageless Erotica. FREE!

Wed., Apr. 24, 2013, 6-7:30 pm. “The 5 Biggest Myths about Sex and Aging.” Joan Price speaks at Senior Planet Exploration Center, 127 W. 25th Street, New York, NY 10001, between 6th and 7th Avenues. Joan Price, http://www.joanprice.com, author of Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex, shatters the myths and shares the most common questions that Boomers, seniors, and elders ask her. You’ll be surprised! Yes, she’ll answer those questions, too -- in the candid, upbeat manner that led the media to dub her “senior sexpert.” Free! Please email rsvp@seniorplanet.org or call 646-590-0615 if you're planning to attend.

Sat., April 27, 2013, Joan Price is a panelist in "So You Want to Write for Huffington Post" at Fire Up Your Writing Career, April 25-27, 2013, the annual conference of  the American Society of Journalists and Authors, Roosevelt Hotel, New York City.


Sat, Apr. 27, 2013, 7 pm, Bluestockings bookstore, fair trade cafe, and activist center, 172 Allen Street between Stanton and Rivington, New York, NY 10002. What happens when writers over 50 write steamy senior erotica? Ageless Erotica is a ground-breaking anthology of erotic short stories and memoir essays featuring sexy characters over 50, 60, 70 and beyond – straight, gay, partnered, solo -- written by well-seasoned erotica writers. D.L. King, Tsaurah Litzky, Rae Padilla Francoeur, Audrienne Roberts Womack, Erobintica (Robin Sampson), Nancy Weber, Erica Manfred, and Joan Price read excerpts from Ageless Erotica and discuss the idea of “senior erotica.” Free!

Sunday, April 14, 2013, 2 pm - 5 pm: Sex after Fifty: A Workshop for Women at Good Vibrations, 1620 Polk Street (at Sacramento Street) San Francisco, CA 94109. Yes, sex after fifty has its challenges, but it can also be sizzling and satisfying. We'll face the challenges and celebrate the joys of older-age sexuality, sharing experiences and learning from each other in a spirit of candor, acceptance, creativity, and humor. Take home new tools, techniques, and attitudes that help women over fifty experience hot, joyful sex -- with or without a partner. Taught by Joan Price, author of Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex – winner of Outstanding Self-Help Book 2012 from the American Society of Journalists and Authors  and 2012 Book Award from the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. Note: This workshop has a minimum size, so please pre-register! $30 in advance, $35 at the door.

March 15-17, 2013: Joan Price speaks on Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex at CatalystConEast at Crystal City Marriott at Reagan Airport,1999 Jefferson Davis Highway, Arlington, Virginia 22202. Joan Price shares her spicy and often humorous experiences as an advocate for senior sexuality. She talks frankly about the most interesting, surprising, and provocative questions and concerns that seniors raise about their sexuality, along with the special challenges and satisfactions of blogging/talking/writing about senior sex.


Thursday, February 7, 2013, 6-7:30 pm: Never Too Late for Love! Joan Price, www.joanprice.com, met her great love when she was 57 and he was 64. The passion and depth of their later-life relationship led her to write Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty and Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex. Joan gives us the new rules of dating at our age and tips for finding that special person. Her upbeat presentation will make you laugh and send you home with new hope -- and a new plan! Rosewood Gardens, 35 Fenton St., Livermore, CA 94550. Plan to stay afterwards to socialize.Adult children of residents especially invited -- free! PLEASE NOTE: CANCELLED due to illnesses at venue -- will reschedule. Let me know if you want me to notify you.


Tuesday, February 12, 2013: Tips for Better Sex – Whether You’re Partnered or Not! Newcomers Club of Sonoma County, Fountaingrove Golf & Country Club, Santa Rosa, CA. How can you make sex better, whether you’re in a relationship or solo? Learn tips for all ages from young adults to seniors from senior sexpert Joan Price, www.joanprice.com, author of Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex and Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty. Joan’s upbeat, candid, often humorous talk will send you home with new ideas and new things to try!


Tuesday, February 26, 2013, 4:30-5 pm ET: Joan Price Skypes with Sandy Caron's graduate course in sexuality, Human Sexuality College of Education and Human Development, University of Maine. Joan talks about Naked at Our Age and answers student questions.

Saturday, November 10, 2012, 1:30-5 pm, How the Heck Do I Date at This Age? in Santa Rosa, CA. For singles only. You’re ready to connect for dating, sex, love, companionship – but dating as a senior feels awkward and weird. What are the guidelines? How do you navigate online dating, write a cool profile, avoid the pitfalls, and evade the weirdos? When do you bring up safer sex, your personal sexual issues, or sex at all? Whether you’re widowed, divorced, or a longtime single, you’ll find this interactive workshop illuminating and fun, and you’ll get to find out how other single seniors meet and mate (or try to). All genders and orientations welcome. Joan Price, author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty and Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex – and a widow figuring out how to date at her age – leads this workshop. Location is a private home in Santa Rosa -- you'll get the address after you preregister. $35 or – bring a friend! – two for $60 prepaid by check or PayPal. Free gifts: books, Wet safer sex & lube kits, Blossom Organics lubricant, and lube and condoms from Good Vibrations! Bring a notebook, your online profile if you have one, and a sense of humor. This is a private residence, address given at time of registration. No drop-ins; pre-reg required. Email Joan to register. Although this is a workshop, not primarily a mixer, one couple met at this workshop and fell in love!


Sunday, November 11, 2012, 1:30-5 pm, workshop: Ask Me, I'll Tell You: Women and Men Talk Out Loud about Sex and Aging in Santa Rosa, CA . For singles and couples, men and women. We’re talking about senior sex—the challenges, the pleasures, and all the questions we didn’t think we could ask out loud. What arouses us now, when the old ways aren’t working like they used to? What do we wish we understood and could communicate better about our changing bodies and responses? How do we spice up our sexual repertoire? What if we don't have a partner? What if we don't feel desire for sex any more? In this eye opening, interactive, mixed-gender workshop, you’ll get to voice your questions and get answers.  Joan Price, author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty and Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex, guides the conversation and discovery, and offers tips for putting the zest back into later-life sexuality.  Free gifts: books,  Wet safer sex & lube kits, Blossom Organics lubricant, and and lube and condoms from Good Vibrations! $35 or – bring a friend! – two for $60 prepaid by check or PayPal. This is a private residence, address given after registration. No drop-ins; pre-reg required. Email Joan to register.




Saturday, November 17, 2012, 9 pm: The 5 Biggest Myths about Sex and Aging at San Francisco Regional Mensa's Brilliance by the Bay, Hilton Pleasanton at The Club, 7050 Johnson Drive, Pleasanton, CA 94588-3396. Joan Price, author of Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex, shatters the myths and shares the most common questions that Boomers, seniors, and elders ask her. Yes, she’ll answer those questions, too -- in the candid, upbeat manner that led the media to dub her “senior sexpert.” (They also called her a “wrinkly sex kitten,” but you be the judge of that!) Registered members only.

Saturday, Sept. 22, 2012, Joan Price speaks at 10 am as part of the daylong Sonoma County Book Festival, Santa Rosa, CA. The Sonoma County Book Festival is a free public event brought to you by The Literary Arts Guild. Our event transforms downtown Santa Rosa into the literary capital of Northern California. Thousands of book lovers return every year for a full day of fun under our welcoming white tents. Our rich programs present nationally acclaimed and locally treasured authors, who inspire and entertain festival attendees of all ages. Schedule here.


Saturday, August 25, 2012, 1:30-4:30 pm, workshop: Ask Me, I'll Tell You: Women and Men Talk Out Loud about Sex and Aging in Santa Rosa, CA . [see recent listing for details of this workshop.]



Friday-Sunday, Sept. 14-16, 2012, Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex at CatalystCon at the Hilton Long Beach & Executive Meeting Center, 701 West Ocean Blvd, Long Beach, CA 90831. Joan Price shares her spicy and often humorous experiences as an advocate for senior sexuality. She talks frankly about the most interesting, surprising, and provocative questions and concerns that seniors raise about their sexuality, along with the special challenges and satisfactions of blogging/talking/writing about senior sex. You’ll learn how a couple of shock jocks tried to close down the “old lady sex blog,” how Joan’s commitment to raising important and unnerving topics led to her appearance on ABC News Nightline, and what her 1961 classmates said to her at her 50th high school reunion.


Sunday, August 19, 2012, 1:30-4:30 pm, How the Heck Do I Date at This Age? in Santa Rosa, CA. [see recent listing for details of this workshop.]

Thursday, August 23, 2012, New York City. Free abbreviated version of Joan Price's workshop, Ask Me, I'll Tell You: Women and Men Talk Out Loud about Sex and Aging (description below). The workshop will be free to you and filmed for a national cable television special about senior sex-- attendees will be on camera. See details here.


Saturday, June 9, 2012, 4:45-5:45 pm. Synergy: innovation. sexuality. tradition, 44th annual conference of American Association of Sexuality Educators Counselors & Therapists (AASECT), Austin, Texas. Joan Price, MA, presents "Blogging about Sex to Attract Clients and Media." This workshop will give participants the knowledge and tools to start blogging about their niche area of sexuality with the purpose of attracting new clients and, if desired, the media. Blogging is an easy way to attract potential clients, increase your credibility as a sex educator, position yourself as a media resource, claim your niche area of sexuality and get your news and views on the Internet for your audience to read. But what and how should you blog? Once your blog is running, how do you reach your audience? This session answers these questions and offers hands-on instructions for getting started.


..Wednesday, May 9, 2012, 12:30-3 pm. Joan Price talks about healthy later life sexuality, hosted by Aging Explorers, Osher Lifelong Learning Institute (OLLI) of San Francisco State University, downtown campus, 835 Market St., Room 609, San Francisco, CA. Joan Price's talks and books delight audiences, who enjoy her sassy attitude and straight‐talking style. With irresistible enthusiasm she tackles all the outdated expectations and promotes new ways to celebrate sexuality throughout the later years. We can learn a lot from the shared stories she presents in her book, and follows up with tips from sex therapists, health professionals, counselors, sex educators, and other knowledgeable experts. Her book Naked at Our Age is an entertaining and indispensable guide to handling and understanding the issues of senior sex and relationships. Sheila Malkind, Director of the Legacy Film Festival on Aging, will present the 5‐min film, Backseat Bingo, "a poignant and humorous animated documentary about the romantic lives of Senior Citizens."  Free to OLLI members, $5 or sliding scale for nonmembers, no one turned away for lack of funds.


Wednesday, April 25, 2012, 7-8:30 pm. Join Best Sex Writing 2012 editor Rachel Kramer Bussel and contributors Ellen Friedrichs, Lynn Harris, Amanda Marcotte, Joan Price, and Rachel Rabbit White reading from their essays about sexuality at Housing Works Bookstore Cafe, 126 Crosby St, New York, NY 10012. Free -- and free cupcakes!


Saturday, April 28, 2012, 10:45-11:45, Joan Price moderates a panel on Writing About Sex for the American Society of Journalists and Authors annual conference, Roosevelt Hotel, New York City. Whether you write sexual self-help, sex-related nonfiction or erotica, countless online markets and print publishers welcome your sex-themed writing. Successful sex writers share the game rules for pitching, crafting, publishing, and promoting sex-based articles and books. Learn what online article and print book editors are looking for, how to approach them, and how to deliver sex that sells. Joan Price, Moderator; Rae Francoeur, Steph Auteri, Rachel Kramer Bussel. This premier writing conference is open to established writers and new writers, with two days of public sessions. Learn more here. Read about the award Joan will receive at this conference here.

Saturday, April 28, 2012, 7 pm – Free reading at Bluestockings, 172 Allen Street between Stanton and Rivington, New York City. Senior sex activists Joan Price (www.joanprice.com), author of Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex, and Rae Francoeur (http://raefrancoeur.com), author of Free Fall: A Late-in-Life Love Affair, share their enthusiasm and expertise about sex in later life.


Thursday, May 3, 2012, 5:30 to 7 pm. SFSU Center for Research & Education on Gender and Sexuality, 835 Market St, Suite 517, San Francisco, CA 94103. Please join us for wine and cheese and a panel conversation on Senior Sexuality with noted author and presenter Joan Price of Naked at Our Age fame, noted sex educator Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations and Dr. Jason Petersen from Advanced Male Medical Center.

March 30 - April 1, 2012, Joan Price speaks about "Senior Sex Out Loud" at MOMENTUM, Washington, DC. Geared toward anyone interested in intelligent conversations about the influence of new media on sexuality, MOMENTUM provides a safe place to listen, discuss and learn about sexualities and gender without the fear of reprisal or shaming.


Sunday, April 1, 2012, 6-8:30 pm, workshop: Ask Me, I'll Tell You: Women and Men Talk Out Loud about Sex and Aging, at Secret Pleasures, 1510 U Street NW, Washington, D.C. 20009 . [see upcoming listing for details of this workshop.]



Sun., Feb. 26, 2012, 1:30-5 pm, How the Heck Do I Date at This Age? in Marin County, CA. [see recent listing for details of this workshop.]


Sun., March 4, 2012, 12:30-4 pm, How the Heck Do I Date at This Age? at Gaia’s Garden, 1899 Mendocino Ave., Santa Rosa, CA 95401. [see recent listing for details of this workshop.]



Thurs., Feb. 9, 2012, 6-9 pm. Osmosis Day Spa Sanctuary in Freestone, CA, hosts a Sex and Romance event with food, wine, and Joan Price sharing Tips for Better Sex -- Whether You're Partnered or Not! at 7 pm and 8 pm. How can you make sex better, whether you’re in a relationship or solo? Learn tips for all ages from teens to seniors from senior sexpert Joan Price, author of Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex and Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty.


Sat., February 11- Sun., February 12, 2012, Joan Price,, author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty and Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex, returns to Kama Sutra Closet, 451 E. Main Street, #6, Ventura CA 93001, on Sat., Feb. 11, for two senior sex seminars.

Sun., December 18, 2011, 1-4 pm, How the Heck Do I Date at This Age? at Gaia’s Garden, 1899 Mendocino Ave., Santa Rosa, CA 95401. [see recent listing for details of this workshop.]

Saturday, Oct. 29, 2011, Ventura, CA: Full day of Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex with Joan Price at Kama Sutra Closet, 451 E. Main Street, #6, Ventura, 10-3, hosted by Kama Sutra Closet. During the day Joan will be Shattering the 5 Biggest Myths about Sex and Aging, conducting a workshop: "Ask Me, I'll Tell You: Women and Men Talk Out Loud about Sex & Aging," and answering audience questions. Singles mixer at end of event, if you want!

September 30, 2011, 9 am-4 pm: ASSECT workshop: Joan Price, Ellen Barnard, and Myrtle Wilhite present Senior Sex: Challenges and Opportunities. We'll learn about the particular issues faced by seniors (60+) regarding sexual health, pleasure and satisfaction, and share strategies on ways to support and enhance rewarding intimacy for everyone as they age.

September 30, 2011, 6:30-7:30, A Room Of One's Own , 307 W Johnson St., Madison,Wisconsin. Senior sex talk, reading, Q and A with Joan Price. A Room of One's Own Feminist Bookstore has been a fixture in downtown Madison, Wisconsin since 1975!

October 1, 2011, Madison, and October 2, 2011, Milwaukee, 11 am-1 pm, A Woman's Touch: How the Heck Do I Date at This Age? [see recent listing for details of this workshop.]

October 1, 2011, Madison, and October 2, 2011, Milwaukee, 2-4 pm, A Woman's Touch: Ask Me, I'll Tell You: Talking Out Loud About Sex, Aging and Relationships: [see recent listing for details of this workshop.]


Sunday, Sept. 11, 2011, 2:30-5 pm. What I Learned about Book Publicity since 2005. Redwood Writers, Flamingo Hotel, 2777 Fourth Street, Santa Rosa, CA 95405. "I'm convinced that book publicity and self-promotion in this new world has to be targeted at the Internet first,” Joan says. Joan shares her tips for using the Internet wisely and productively for your own book publicity and author promotion.

Tuesday, August 16, 7 pm. The Center for Sex and Culture, 1349 Mission St. between 9th /10th St. (corner of Grace St.). What do boomers and seniors really want to know about later-life sex? What are their challenges, questions, and misconceptions? Joan Price, author of Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex and Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty, shares the most common, most unusual, and most entertaining questions she hears as she writes and speaks about ageless sexuality – and her answers. "Senior Singles Mixer/ Discussion" follows Joan's talk.

Saturday, July 30, 2011, 4-5 pm, Book Passage, 51 Tamal Vista Blvd, Corte Madera, CA 94925. Joan Price discusses Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex ($16.95).  Bonus: Single seniors, come to the Book Passage cafe after Joan's Naked at Our Age talk for a mixer!

Tuesday, July 26, 2011, 7 pm., Copperfield's Books, Sebastopol, CA. Joan Price is talking out loud about a subject that is often ignored or ridiculed in our society: later-life sexuality. 


Friday, July 15, 2011, 12:30-1:30 pm, 211 Sutter St., San Francisco. "Orgasm Is . . . Not Just for Young'uns! Tips and Tools for Savvy Seniors." Senior sexpert Joan Price, author of Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex, shares candid information and tips for recharging your sex life after 50, 60, and beyond.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011, 7 pm., Barnes and Noble, 82nd and Broadway, New York City. Joan Price  shatters the myths about senior sex and reads from Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex. More details here.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011, 1:30-3 pm, Hudson Guild, 119 Ninth Ave, New York City. "Let's Talk about Sexuality at Our Age!" Joan Price and Rae Francoeur share their enthusiasm and expertise about sex in later life. Joan is the author of Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex. Rae is the author of Free Fall: A Late-in-Life Love Affair. 




Thursday, July 7, 2011, 7-9 pm, Babeland - SoHo, 43 Mercer St., New York, NY 10013. "Let's Talk about Senior Sex!" Joan Price and Rae Francoeur share their enthusiasm and expertise about sex in later life. Joan is the author of Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex. Rae is the author of Free Fall: A Late-in-Life Love Affair. (Yes, this is the same topic as our Hudson Guild event, but since we're talking at Babeland, it will be racier, with sex toy recommendations and more!)



Saturday, July 9, 2011, 3-4 pm. Joan speaks at her 50th Ithaca High School reunion, at the pavilion at Stewart Park, Ithaca, New York. Talking Out Loud about Sex -- Yes, at Our Age with Joan (Kassman) Price. Who imagined that our shy and diminutive Joanie Kassman (now Joan Price) would be known at age 67 as a "senior sexpert"! “You didn’t vote for me as class treasurer, so I had to get your attention somehow,” says Joan, who is the author of two books on sex and aging.

Sunday, July 10, 2011, 3-4 pm, Buffalo Street Books, in DeWitt Mall on Buffalo St between Cayuga and Tioga, Ithaca, NY. Joan Price, Ithaca native and author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty and Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex, shatters the “5 Biggest Myths about Sex after Fifty” and shares the most common questions that Boomers, seniors, and elders asked her while she was researching her new book.

Sunday, June 19, 2011, 3-5 pm, workshop: Ask Me, I'll Tell You: Women and Men Talk Out Loud about Sex and Aging. Good Vibrations, 1620 Polk Street (at Sacramento Street), San Francisco, CA 94109. [see upcoming listing for details of this workshop.]

Saturday, June 4, 4:30-5:30. Senior Sex at Gaia’s Garden, 1899 Mendocino Avenue, Santa Rosa, CA 95401. No, we won’t be doing it – we’ll be talking about it with Joan Price, local author of Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex. Joan will shatter the “5 Biggest Myths about Sex and Aging” and share the most common questions that Boomers, seniors, and elders ask her. Yes, she’ll answer those questions, too -- in the candid, upbeat manner that led the media to dub her “senior sexpert.” (The Bohemian also called her a “wrinkly sex kitten,” but you be the judge of that!)  Enjoy a wholesome and delicious meal at Gaia’s Garden, voted the Best Vegetarian Restaurant by readers of The Bohemian.

(schedule updated June 12, 2013)